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What does safe sex in a same sex relationship look like?

Safe sex tips for people in same sex relationships:
-determine risk of pregnancy…this is about anatomy, not sexual orientation or gender identity. If a sperm can get near an egg, there’s a risk and you need to consider contraception.
-determine risk of STIs. The only way to know that nobody involved has an STI is to get tested.
-think about vaccines such as HPV, Hep A and B
-think about medications such as Prep. Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a medication that an HIV-negative person can take daily to reduce their risk for contracting HIV while being sexual with an HIV-positive person. Prep can be recommended for people who are sexual with an HIV-positive person, people who don’t consistently use barriers, anyone who’s been diagnosed with another STI within the last 6 months, anyone who uses or has a partner who uses intravenous substances and shares needles, syringes, or other equipment to inject
-use internal and external condoms correctly
-use dental dams correctly
-gloves for finger play

Sounds to me it’s the same advice for everyone!! Be safe 👍

3:14 pm 1Nov, 2021
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How I teach about female pleasure

Unfortunately, the word pleasure does not appear in the English guidance for teaching Relationships and Sex Education, but there are many objectives that talk about pupils having autonomy over their bodies and living healthy lifestyles.

In my teaching, we name the clitoris from when pupils are 9/10 years old and I say that it is a fleshy mound full of nerve endings and so is a very sensitive area.

We also talk about conception in terms of when two people decide to have a baby, and that sex should feel nice. That usually gets a giggle and allows for discussion about pleasure and consent.

When they are at the beginning of Secondary school at 12 years old, we talk about masturbation and bust some myths, including that only boys masturbate. *Usually* someone asks how girls
masturbate and I’ll remind them about the clitoris and how it can feel nice when it is touched.

As they get older and I start teaching about porn, we discuss how women can often be portrayed orgasming quickly through penetration and how this is not representative of real life.

So you can see that these key areas of the curriculum allow for discussion about female pleasure.

What do you wish you were taught about sex and pleasure at school?

3:11 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
You’re Getting A Sister!

I was written to the other day by a mother of a 2.5 years old who was wondering how to approach talking about her pregnancy and the arrival of a sister into the family with her son.

So first we need to think about what language has been used around him in terms of body parts. Using the scientific words for body parts is one of the fundamentals of good sex ed to empower children. So make sure you are using ‘penis/testicles’ and not nicknames, and if you are, just explain we are going to start using the proper words from now on. Children are very accepting and just repeat the correct terminology back to him if he continues to use old terms that he has learnt previously until he doesn’t any more. PS. The more family members that are on board with this, the better!

🤰 When talking about the baby, if you are not doing so already, use the word uterus rather than tummy for where the baby is.
👶Obviously once the baby has arrived, changing nappies and bath times are times where he might talk about the differences he’s seeing. I think keeping things organic whereby you are responding to him and what he is looking at/pointing out or saying is key and repetition often really helps.
📚 In terms of preparing him, you could start sharing some age appropriate books with him where you can already introduce body parts, for example, “your sister will have a vulva (PLEASE USE VULVA RATHER THAN VAGINA 😊)like mummy, you have a penis like daddy.”(If that’s the case in this particular household).
😔The shame/stigma for these words comes from adults and not children so the more comfortable we are using the words, the more we model that there is nothing to feel ashamed of or secretive about when it comes to private parts.
📖 A good book for you to reference and then have in the house to dip in and out of is ‘Let’s Talk.’ 
🤱Once baby is here, if he goes to touch her body/hug her etc you can already introduce consent just by simply saying, “can I hug you?” Start as you mean to go on and that will become a natural part of their behaviour and is excellent modelling of consent and bodily autonomy. There are always opportunities at this age to teach consent.

3:07 pm 1Nov, 2021
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Should I freeze my eggs?

This can be an overwhelming question and area to consider 🤯Over the years I have adapted how I speak to my students about fertility, letting them know that whilst we are learning how to manage risk and protect against unwanted pregnancies when we first become sexually active, it is not always easy to conceive when you feel you are ready, for a myriad of reasons and that people with ovaries have a lot to consider when it comes to pregnancy!

❄️ In terms of freezing eggs, consider:
-not all eggs you freeze will be viable
-an optimal time to freeze your eggs is in your 20s and early 30s
-egg freezing isn’t generally recommended for those after 38
-the process of freezing your eggs includes checks beforehand for infectious diseases/how your uterus looks/hormone levels etc, then you’ll take medicine to stimulate your follicle growth (where the eggs are housed) plus medication to stop you ovulating. Once the eggs are ready for retrieval, you inject yourself to bring on ovulation and then your doctor will extract as many eggs as possible (under anaesthetic) …of course there can be side effects to this process as we are dealing with many hormones here
-this process, and then the storage of the eggs, is an expensive business. It varies from country to country but my estimate from research is between £10,000-15,000 a cycle plus yearly storage.
-In the UK there seems to be a cap on 10 years of storage of eggs, although I’ve read that scientists say there’s no reason why they can’t be stored for longer
-The Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority UK state that ‘egg freezing cycles and subsequent thawing account for only 1-2% of all IVF treatment cycles and even fewer result in a baby being born’ and that ‘Currently women using their own frozen eggs in treatment have a success rate of 18% (30% with frozen donor eggs), which offers no guarantee of achieving a successful pregnancy and birth.’

Of course, if you only look at fertility clinic sites u will read about all the success stories, which can make it difficult to understand the real chances of success. But-some are successful!👶
It’s a decision only you can make after extensive research& talking to doctors ❤️

3:02 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
Not all families look the same…

Not all families look the same….
Representation is so important in our lessons as we should be reflecting the world around us in our classrooms and also opening children’s eyes up to other people’s experiences too.

🏫 From a Relationships and Sex Education perspective, we talk to our pupils about the fact that families don’t all look the same from the very beginning of their school career-when they are 4 and 5 years old.

📖 Using books like THE FAMILY BOOK by Todd Parr are always a great way to start conversations. Children get to talk about what being a family means to them, and how different families can look.

🤰 When we start talking about adults deciding to have families of their own when the students are a bit older, we discuss the following:
-not everyone wants to have children
-some people get pregnant through sexual intercourse
-some couples go to clinics for help with their fertility
-single people or single sex couples can use sperm donation, IVF treatments and surrogates
-people can adopt

Inclusion and representation matters, students need to learn about other people’s lived experiences and about the choices they have as they grow up.

2:59 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
How much blood loss is normal during your period?

This is a big subject as everyone is so different, will be at different ages and therefore at a different stage of their menstrual journey and may or may not be on hormonal birth control and therefore experiencing withdrawal bleeds (not menstrual periods). Let’s take a look at some guidelines and things to consider:

🩸 menstrual fluid contains a mix of mucus, blood clots and uterine tissues, which can add volume to your overall fluid loss which can make measuring blood loss difficult. (www.helloclue.com reports that periods are 36% blood and 64% other elements, so you could multiply your total loss by 0.36 to see how much blood you’re losing)

🩸 Remember that periods can take a while to settle after menarche (when they begin), after pregnancy, and as they come to an end during perimenopause. They can also change due to stress, illness and other factors.

🩸 Menstruators will lose less than 16 teaspoons of blood (80ml) during their period, with the average being around 6 to 8 teaspoons (30-40ml) (A common amount of menstrual fluid loss per period is between 5 mL to 80 mL).

🩸 A simple way to measure fluid loss is with a menstrual cup. (Some cups include volume markings for easy reading.) Cups may hold anywhere from 30 to 60 milliliters at a time.

🩸 Heavy menstrual bleeding is defined as losing 80ml or more in each period, having periods that last longer than 7 days, or both.

🩸Menorrhagia is the medical term for menstrual periods with abnormally heavy or prolonged bleeding. Although heavy menstrual bleeding is a common concern, most people don’t experience blood loss severe enough to be defined as menorrhagia. With menorrhagia, you can’t maintain your usual activities when you have your period because you have so much blood loss and cramping. If you dread your period because you have such heavy menstrual bleeding, talk with your doctor.

2:56 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
Why do people feel like they have to be skinny all of the time?

What a question! I was asked this (anonymously) by an 11 year old.

Luckily I have the time with my class to do a unit of work about self esteem and social conditioning so I think the answer to this question lies in the understanding that beauty is down to social conditioning-it is not a universal truth, and we can prove that by looking at different cultures and their beauty ideals alongside historical beauty ideals in our own countries and how that changes over time. Therefore it is not a fixed or absolute notion.

We also talk about the effects of the pressures of living up to beauty standards such as mental health problems/eating disorders/body dysmorphia/obsessive behaviour around fitness etc.

Then I would explore who it is exactly that benefits from us feeling like we should be skinny all the time? Where is the messaging coming from? What’s in it for the beauty and fashion industries to keep us chasing after different beauty ideals….MONEY!! What’s in it for influencers and stars to promote a beauty ideal…MONEY/FAME=MONEY!

I might also go into how if we are all busy and concerned with our own looks and changing them all the time, then the greatest beneficiaries of that is government and/or the patriarchy because we are then not concerning ourselves with the bigger issues such as understanding policies/challenging them or the status quo etc. But that might be a conversation for older children!

2:53 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
How Do I Deal With My Teenager’s Mood Swings?

Being a teenager isn’t easy. Neither is living with one! Here are some tips to deal with mood swings-you can teach your teen (or even better your young child) these tools to deal with their emotions when they are feeling out of control. They also totally apply to adults too! Win win 🥳

So when you feel your emotions rising/bubbling up there are a range of choices you have in terms of what to do next to stabilise those feelings and not react in the moment from an emotional/irrational place…which then often causes further problems. You give yourself a moment to choose how to react next.

🧘🏻‍♂️ deep breath. Stop and observe what’s going on, both in the situation and in your body

🖼 imagine you are floating above the situation and see the bigger picture

⏰ stop and think to yourself, “will this situation matter to me/be important to me/anger me in a couple of hour’s/a day’s/a month’s (etc) time?”

📆 think “this will pass” or “this will be a memory soon” (I do this one if I am feeling physical pain)

👀 observe what you are thinking to see if it is fact or is it opinion? (Great one to talk to kids about when it comes to arguments and he said/she said situations)

👆tap a pressure point on your body and repeat an affirmation that works for you (maybe you understand that what you are reacting to is actually triggering an old trauma so an affirmation such as I AM SAFE/LOVED can help you through the moment)

There are many more methods that come from different disciplines but these are just a few I find helpful 💖

2:47 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
Feeling pressured to perform in the bedroom?

Cisgender heterosexual men can feel a lot of pressure when it comes to sex. If you have concerns, have a look at this! Here are some things you might worry about and some (hopefully) helpful words of encouragement.

-Am I attractive enough?
The answer is probably YES! as the person has decided to sleep with you. So just think that they wouldn’t be there with you in the moment if they weren’t attracted to you.
-Is my body good enough? (Whatever ‘good’ enough might mean to you)
Remember that women understand the pressures society can place on you to look a certain way physically and they don’t want (or need) you to be The Rock!

-is my penis big enough/is it attractive enough/is it the right shape?
It is widely researched that men give much more thought to this than women. Try not to compare yourself to others, especially not to the unrealistic people you can see in porn. *Women are more concerned about how you treat them and the connection you have together (whether it’s purely physical or if it’s also emotional) than your penis*

-Am I lasting long enough?
Most women do not want to ‘pounded’ or even penetrated for a really long time. This is another pressure porn has placed on people. There are so many things you can do with your partner to have fun and give each other pleasure without the act of penetration. ‘Sex’ does not have to be measured from the moment of penetration until ejaculation, think about all of the other parts to sex.

-How do I give my partner an orgasm?
Ask! Communicate with each other and if that seems too daunting, try to pick up on verbal and physical clues as to what they are really enjoying. Remember clitoral stimulation is key for most vulva-owners and as annoying as this might sound, everyone is different so you do need to get to know your partner.

A lot of this could be addressed by clear communication from partners. The more reassuring noises/body language and verbal feedback you get, the more you understand what your partner is thinking and that could alleviate some of these worries.

2:36 pm 1Nov, 2021
admin
Sending Nudes

I deliver a lesson about sexting or sending nudes to the Year 8s who are 13/14 years old.
We talk about why someone might send one and think about possible consequences. We also discuss who the consequences would affect-the person in the picture; the way friends and family would look at that person and the police if for some reason there was an investigation. Focusing on the consequences is intended to help them think carefully about future actions.

📱Pupils can find it hard to understand why the age of consent is 14 in Italy but they are seen as minors until 18. But they do understand that naked images of anyone under the age of 18 is considered child pornography by law and that the law is there to protect them. So circulating pictures is a definite no no!

👥To answer the question in the picture-I bounced that question back at them and they came to the conclusion that if someone under 10 was sending a picture you’d have to look closely at WHY. Could they have seen an older sibling do it? Are they being manipulated by someone to do it? Is something going on in the home?

👍We also mention that if consenting adults are sending nudes to each other then essentially that’s fine, as long as there is absolute trust there.

📲These are really great areas to explore with young teens in the hope that they will think twice if they ever get put in the position to send a nude or are ever thinking of sending one.

NOTE: as soon as you give a child a mobile it’s something you should be talking to them about 🗣

2:33 pm 1Nov, 2021
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