Vaginismus

Vaginismus is the body’s automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Whenever penetration is attempted, the vaginal muscles tighten up on their own and the person has no control over it. Occasionally, people can get vaginismus even if they have previously enjoyed painless penetrative sex. It can be a painful and upsetting, but it can be treated.

Doctors believe it is a relatively common and underreported condition. It does not necessarily affect your ability to get aroused and enjoy other types of sexual contact. Some common symptoms are:
* you find it hard inserting a tampon into your vagina
* you struggle with vaginal penetration during sex
* you feel burning or stinging pain during sex

Treatment usually focuses on:
* managing your feelings around penetration
* exercises to gradually get you used to penetration
* Psychosexual therapy
* Pelvic floor exercises
* Sensate focus-exercises to help with your relaxation during sex
* Vaginal trainers

The reasons for vaginismus are not always clear, but some things thought to cause it include:
* fearing that your vagina is too small
* a bad first sexual experience
* an unpleasant medical examination
* believing sex is shameful or wrong
* a painful medical condition, like thrush

Sometimes vaginismus is mistaken for a physical problem with your vagina, which can lead to needless surgery. Very few cases of vaginismus require surgery and I have read many online testimonies where surgery really damaged the person-so always get a second opinion if something doesn’t feel right! I have also read A LOT of testimonies saying that doctors told them to get drunk and just relax, which is HORRIFYING!!😤🤬 I know it’s not always easy to find different practitioners, especially if it’s a question of money, but no one should have to have their pain diminished in that way.

Why consent laws aren’t the whole picture

I posted a reel recently on instagram that was all about the legal age of consent around the world. It did so well-over 40K views (!) but of course, there are so many other things to consider when we discuss consent. With regards to the law, here are some more ‘nuances’ to consider:
1️⃣ in some countries (and states in the US) there is a close in age exemption that makes intercourse lawful if the partners are of similar ages or the age difference is not higher than a certain number of years. This “avoids criminalizing adolescents of similar ages for factually consensual and non-exploitative sexual activity”
For example, in Italy where I live, the law provides an exception for consensual sexual activities between persons if neither of them is under 13 years old and the age gap does not exceed three years. Some EU Member States provide higher age thresholds for sexual activity between a child and a recognised person of trust, authority or influence over the child.
2️⃣ In some countries it is illegal to engage in sexual activity unless you are married, however the minimum age for marriage is very low, and it seems, from my research at least, that the minimum age for girls is often younger than boys. So, for example, a much older man could marry a 12 year old girl LEGALLY-and this happens all over the world, also in countries you might considered ‘developed’ -so don’t think this is something that only happens in countries you might stereotype to allow this.
According to the UN, if current trends continue, the number of girls who marry as children will reach nearly one billion by 2030. According to weforum.org, in Sudan, girls can marry at 10 and boys can marry at 15 or at puberty. In the Philippines, Muslim boys can marry at 15 and Muslim girls can marry at puberty. (Remember girls can start puberty as young as 8!) In Tanzania, Muslim and Hindu girls can marry at 12 as long as the marriage is not consummated until the girl reaches the age of 15.
3️⃣In some countries there might be a disconnect between age of consent and marriage,such as Cyprus and Malta, where the minimum age for sexual consent (18) is above the age at which children can get married (16) with the consent of a public authority and/or the parents.

4️⃣And lastly, just because a country has an age limit, many of its citizens aren’t aware of it or assume the age, let alone stick to it.

Top Tips for getting your menstrual cup in the right place

New to cups and not sure how to get it into the right place? Been using cups for a while but sometimes you just can’t get it right?

Here are some top tips to try and help you find the perfect position. Everyone is different so as frustrating as it is not to be given one magic answer, hopefully these tips will help you find your perfect technique!

🩸 Remember, if the cup is in the right place you shouldn’t be able to feel it at all! You should also not experience leaks and this process should NOT be painful 🩸

1. Try to relax: being stressed or hurrying can often make things worse and then vaginal muscles might tighten
2. Try practising when not on your period so you don’t have that added stress
3. Read the instructions or watch some YouTube tutorials-preferably from the company you bought it from
4. Wetting the cup might help (water/water based lube)
5. Try standing, squatting or sitting in different positions whilst inserting
6. Raise a leg
7. Try inserting at different angles (horizontal at 45 degrees is often recommended)
8. Try aiming towards the base of the spine
9. Grip the base of the cup and rotate it 360 degrees
10. Try out all the different types of folds to see which one work for you
11. Try pinching the bottom of the cup once inserted to help open it up
12. Do a few kegels -might help form a seal
13. Run your finger around the cup once inserted to make sure it is open
14. The cup should not be sticking out of the vaginal opening but it shouldn’t be too high up either-only just inside you
15. Insert folded a small way and then try opening it whilst it’s in the vaginal canal (rather that it opening itself)
16. Trim the stem if needed (maybe if you have a low cervix so the cup sits in a low position). MAKE SURE TO LEAVE ENOUGH TO PULL OUT
17. If all else fails, try changing the cup or size of cup

Sometimes cups need a bit of determination and perseverance. If you are up for the challenge, once you’ve got your technique you can say goodbye to buying products monthly 💰 , worrying about where the closest toilet is on a day out 🚽 and worrying about the environmental impact of disposable plastic products 🌍

Are cystitis and thrush STIs?

STI stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection (we don’t say diseases any more-more on that another time!) Cystitis and thrush can affect anyone. These are not just problems for people with vaginas.

🚽 Cystitis is a urinary tract infection whereby the bladder becomes inflamed. It happens when bacteria enters the urethra. 🚽 This *could* happen during sex, but cystitis IS NOT an STI.
🚽Other causes are less common, such as a reaction to certain drugs or as a complication from another illness.
🚽Symptoms are: burning when urinating, a need to urinate often, cloudy urine with a strong odour, possible low grade fever and blood in urine.
🚽It will normally clear up on its own, drink plenty of water and take painkillers. If not, a doctor can prescribe antibiotics.

🧀 Thrush is a fungal infection where there is an overgrowth of yeast.
🧀Symptoms are itching or burning of the vagina/vulva or penis, a thick white discharge, possible redness or swelling of the genitals, a strong smell, stinging or burning while trying to urinate and for penis owners-difficulty pulling back the foreskin.
🧀Thrush is NOT an STI, but can be passed onto a partner during sexual activity.

Please see a doctor if you have any of these symptoms.

Is it possible to masturbate too much?

I get asked this question by adult followers of my instagram account a lot.

The answer is probably NO!!! but ask yourself these questions first:

❓is my masturbating getting in the way of my social life? Am I choosing to stay in and masturbate over going out with friends on repeated occasions?
❓am I hurting myself-are my genitals getting sore from this?(tip-use lubrication)
❓ is my masturbating related to watching too much porn?
❓am I using masturbation as an escape from problems? (you’d have to judge if that’s problematic or not!)

You see! As long as masturbating is part of your life rather than taking over your life, there is no such thing as too little or too much ✌️

🌸 And remember, there are lots of benefits to masturbation (chemical /physical release / stress relief / self exploration etc)