Mental Health and Teenagers

I posted recently about mental health and younger children, but what if you’ve got older children or teens and you haven’t thought much about mental health before?

I think that the key to good mental health in our children is first of all taking care of ourselves. By modelling good mental health practices we show our children how to be vulnerable, pay attention to their feelings and how to honour and process them. When we have systems that work, we can pass those on with much more experience and gravitas than when we talk about something we’ve heard of but not practised ourselves.

We know from the data that social media can have a huge impact on our teenager’s mental health, especially girls apparently, so it is vital that we do all we can to help them manage their social media time.

-encourage them to set time limits on their phones
-make sure they are media literate so can view what they are seeing with as critical an eye as possible
-encourage them to follow healthy accounts and role models
-talk to them about how they feel when they look at certain posts on their feeds. Help them to notice what makes them feel low/self conscious and what type of content can lift their mood or inspire them
-MODEL healthy use of devices yourself
-set boundaries-eg no devices at the dinner table / bed time
-talk to them about porn BEFORE they might see it or start watching it (see other posts on porn for more)
-have ALL the talks us sex educators preach about-not just the basics but all the relationships stuff too-especially CONSENT (see feed for more!)
-body confidence takes a lot of work for anyone and especially for teens. Make sure they are hearing and seeing as positive messaging from you as possible.

Remember all those vital areas of life that can keep people happy and healthy. The simple stuff that can seem so hard to achieve-balanced diet, enough sleep, exercise! 👯‍♀️Friendships and meaningful connections. ❤️Being of service to others. ⛹🏿Hobbies and creative outlets are so important for teens especially as they navigate that tricky period of their lives.

What would have helped your mental health during your teenage years?

I don’t remember what I did at a party with a girl

This was one of my slightly more concerning anonymous questions that I received from a 15 year old the other day. As an adult looking in, your mind can go to all sorts of places and as this was truly anonymous (although I do know it came from a boy), I couldn’t follow it up for more details.

This is what he wrote:
“I might have had things with a girl at a party. I don’t remember who she was. What should I do?”

This is how I answered:
1. Why can’t you remember? Was she a stranger and you didn’t talk much or were you drunk or high?
2. People are WAY more likely to take sexual risks that they regret when they are under the influence and BY LAW you CANNOT consent to sexual activity-so be careful. Learn about the effects of specific drugs and drink that you are taking so you can be more informed and in control.
3. If she was a stranger and you engaged in unprotected sexual activity, then it is a good idea to get tested. Remember that you can get STIs through oral sex.
4. Is there any way of getting in touch with her (through friends of a friend) -maybe someone remembers who you were talking to. It would be good to contact her and make sure she is alright.
4. Think about what it is that is now concerning you. Were you left with a bad/uncomfortable feeling the next day? Is there someone you trust that you can talk to about this? Can you remember what you did just not who she was, or are you having problems remembering what you did as well? (I did say to them that it’s hard from the vagueness of the question to understand exactly what has happened).
5. Remember everything you have learnt about consent. FREELY GIVEN/REVERSIBLE/INFORMED/ENTHUSIASTIC/SPECIFIC. I tell them that the reason I talk about consent so much is that we know statistically and anecdotally that sexual harassment/assault and abuse happens to an alarmingly high number of people STILL and that we all need to be very clear on what informed consent looks like. This could be another reason to get in touch with her to make sure everything that happened was consensual.
6. Try and think about your actions more next time so you can make wiser/kinder choices.

How do I get a girlfriend?

How do I get a girlfriend?
I was asked this question by a 14 year old boy. Remember that I work in an international school so I don’t get too caught up on the way they word the questions as sometimes it’s a simple language issue. (For example, I don’t love the use of ‘get’ here, but I understand what he means!)
*Ask yourself WHY you want a girlfriend (or partner-as this answer applies to everyone). Are you bored? Feeling lonely? Feel like all of your friends have one so you should too? Do you feel like you just ‘should’ have one because of all the messaging you get from the media or your family/culture? (Opportunity for a big discussion here!) Thinking about sex more than wanting to actually go out with someone?
If it is to fill any kind of emotional hole/dissatisfaction in your own life then be careful, because no one can fill that up apart from you! A new partner might be a distraction from your problems, but if they ever leave you will be right back where you started!

*If there is someone you already like, think about ways in which you can hang out more or be brave and ask them out straight away. If you are already friends, think about whether your friendship could take a rejection?

*Try to be patient, the more desperate we are for something, the more ‘desperate’ energy we give off, which can either be off putting to others or taken advantage of. What I mean by that is people (often older people when we are younger) can see the ways in which we are vulnerable very easily. They might not be doing it consciously even, however they can play off of your vulnerability or need to be needed/seen and *could* take advantage of that in a number of ways.

*Think about what you have to offer another person. Are you fun, active, curious, interested in different things, kind, honest etc? If you are not those things, then you probably will not attract a partner that is those things. The best way to attract a partner is to concentrate on living your best life! People will find that attractive and you will naturally end up surrounded by people who are interested in you. 👏 JUST BE YOURSELF 👏

What age do you have to be to be in a relationship?

What a great question from a young teen. There’s so much to unpack here!

1️⃣You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship at any point in your life. Some people choose to be in romantic relationships, some people don’t. (Cue conversation about pressures relating to society and culture 😉)
2️⃣ What does a romantic relationship look like according to you?
3️⃣ What age do you think someone could be in a romantic relationship and why? (Cue conversation about maturity, what people might want out of a relationship at different points in their lives)
4️⃣ What about cultures where they practice arranged marriage? What do we know/think about that?
5️⃣ What do you think about people being in many relationships throughout their lifetime?

….so many conversations to be had with this one! I love it when children ask questions like this that can be bounced back to them.

Where would you take this conversation? How would you answer? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Why do men have nipples?

This is a question that pops up time to time in my lessons, especially when we are learning body parts. 

A simple answer is that men have nipples because nipples develop in the womb before embryos become distinctly male or female. So by the time a Y chromosome kicks in to distinguish a fetus as male, the nipples have already secured their place.

🤷‍♀️You might wonder-why hasn’t evolution selected against this trait? It’s not necessary for survival, so why hasn’t it been eliminated? If you think about it, we have many nonessential traits (like wisdom teeth) that are just left over from our development as a species. (Apparently such traits are called vestigial, meaning we still have them because they’re not a priority for evolution to select against.)

🙎‍♂️It’s not like male nipples are hurting anyone, so it’s no big deal for evolution to simply leave them be. They are also an erogenous zone 💖

😊With regards to lactation ➡️For transgender men, possible steps for physical transition can include surgery, taking hormones, or nothing at all.

🥛 So, depending on the physical and hormonal changes that have taken place, lactation can happen just like it does for cisgender women. But even cisgender men can lactate if a particular hormone, called prolactin, takes effect.
It’s a condition known as male galactorrhea.
It’s usually the result of:
* medication
* malnutrition
* a health condition like an overactive thyroid

Super interesting, huh?!

(Info mainly from healthline.com)