Mental Health and Teenagers

I posted recently about mental health and younger children, but what if you’ve got older children or teens and you haven’t thought much about mental health before?

I think that the key to good mental health in our children is first of all taking care of ourselves. By modelling good mental health practices we show our children how to be vulnerable, pay attention to their feelings and how to honour and process them. When we have systems that work, we can pass those on with much more experience and gravitas than when we talk about something we’ve heard of but not practised ourselves.

We know from the data that social media can have a huge impact on our teenager’s mental health, especially girls apparently, so it is vital that we do all we can to help them manage their social media time.

-encourage them to set time limits on their phones
-make sure they are media literate so can view what they are seeing with as critical an eye as possible
-encourage them to follow healthy accounts and role models
-talk to them about how they feel when they look at certain posts on their feeds. Help them to notice what makes them feel low/self conscious and what type of content can lift their mood or inspire them
-MODEL healthy use of devices yourself
-set boundaries-eg no devices at the dinner table / bed time
-talk to them about porn BEFORE they might see it or start watching it (see other posts on porn for more)
-have ALL the talks us sex educators preach about-not just the basics but all the relationships stuff too-especially CONSENT (see feed for more!)
-body confidence takes a lot of work for anyone and especially for teens. Make sure they are hearing and seeing as positive messaging from you as possible.

Remember all those vital areas of life that can keep people happy and healthy. The simple stuff that can seem so hard to achieve-balanced diet, enough sleep, exercise! 👯‍♀️Friendships and meaningful connections. ❤️Being of service to others. ⛹🏿Hobbies and creative outlets are so important for teens especially as they navigate that tricky period of their lives.

What would have helped your mental health during your teenage years?

Top Tips for getting your menstrual cup in the right place

New to cups and not sure how to get it into the right place? Been using cups for a while but sometimes you just can’t get it right?

Here are some top tips to try and help you find the perfect position. Everyone is different so as frustrating as it is not to be given one magic answer, hopefully these tips will help you find your perfect technique!

🩸 Remember, if the cup is in the right place you shouldn’t be able to feel it at all! You should also not experience leaks and this process should NOT be painful 🩸

1. Try to relax: being stressed or hurrying can often make things worse and then vaginal muscles might tighten
2. Try practising when not on your period so you don’t have that added stress
3. Read the instructions or watch some YouTube tutorials-preferably from the company you bought it from
4. Wetting the cup might help (water/water based lube)
5. Try standing, squatting or sitting in different positions whilst inserting
6. Raise a leg
7. Try inserting at different angles (horizontal at 45 degrees is often recommended)
8. Try aiming towards the base of the spine
9. Grip the base of the cup and rotate it 360 degrees
10. Try out all the different types of folds to see which one work for you
11. Try pinching the bottom of the cup once inserted to help open it up
12. Do a few kegels -might help form a seal
13. Run your finger around the cup once inserted to make sure it is open
14. The cup should not be sticking out of the vaginal opening but it shouldn’t be too high up either-only just inside you
15. Insert folded a small way and then try opening it whilst it’s in the vaginal canal (rather that it opening itself)
16. Trim the stem if needed (maybe if you have a low cervix so the cup sits in a low position). MAKE SURE TO LEAVE ENOUGH TO PULL OUT
17. If all else fails, try changing the cup or size of cup

Sometimes cups need a bit of determination and perseverance. If you are up for the challenge, once you’ve got your technique you can say goodbye to buying products monthly 💰 , worrying about where the closest toilet is on a day out 🚽 and worrying about the environmental impact of disposable plastic products 🌍

Mental Health and Younger Children

We are becoming more and more aware of the strains that stress can play on our children’s mental health. We need to get in there at an early age to give them the tools that they can use to manage these stresses. There are some things that we can help protect children from (eg. not giving them devices too young/parental controls on devices) and then there are many things we can not-life in general!

Therefore we need to foster the skills of resilience, problem solving, critical thinking and stress management so that they have a toolkit ready for when life throws stuff their way.

So how can you help?
-ask open ended questions to encourage open dialogue
-practice being non judgemental-the less judgemental you are, the more they’ll open up
-show them that you’re not perfect and that you don’t have it all figured out. Speaking about (appropriate) problems that won’t be scary for them shows them that you are human too and so they don’t grow up feeling like their parents always had everything figured out or think they need to be perfect like you
-be vulnerable in front of them: if they never see that they won’t think it’s ok for them to be it either
-encourage any creative/musical or sporting activities that they show an interest in, but don’t push.
-model / set healthy behaviours/boundaries when it comes to devices
-get out in nature
-get the whole family taking part in mindfulness techniques-doesn’t have to be a big thing, just little and often will model the tools to them (guided meditations/mindfulness colouring in books/yoga etc)
-animal therapy (!) pets are great de-stressers for kids
-if you’re trying to get your child into a secondary school where they have to take exams and interviews, tread carefully. I know you want the best for them and that includes sending them to a good school, but I’ve seen first hand how much stress children take on board when trying to pass entrance exams

I will do a separate post on a set of skills that can help early and be used throughout life ❤️

I don’t remember what I did at a party with a girl

This was one of my slightly more concerning anonymous questions that I received from a 15 year old the other day. As an adult looking in, your mind can go to all sorts of places and as this was truly anonymous (although I do know it came from a boy), I couldn’t follow it up for more details.

This is what he wrote:
“I might have had things with a girl at a party. I don’t remember who she was. What should I do?”

This is how I answered:
1. Why can’t you remember? Was she a stranger and you didn’t talk much or were you drunk or high?
2. People are WAY more likely to take sexual risks that they regret when they are under the influence and BY LAW you CANNOT consent to sexual activity-so be careful. Learn about the effects of specific drugs and drink that you are taking so you can be more informed and in control.
3. If she was a stranger and you engaged in unprotected sexual activity, then it is a good idea to get tested. Remember that you can get STIs through oral sex.
4. Is there any way of getting in touch with her (through friends of a friend) -maybe someone remembers who you were talking to. It would be good to contact her and make sure she is alright.
4. Think about what it is that is now concerning you. Were you left with a bad/uncomfortable feeling the next day? Is there someone you trust that you can talk to about this? Can you remember what you did just not who she was, or are you having problems remembering what you did as well? (I did say to them that it’s hard from the vagueness of the question to understand exactly what has happened).
5. Remember everything you have learnt about consent. FREELY GIVEN/REVERSIBLE/INFORMED/ENTHUSIASTIC/SPECIFIC. I tell them that the reason I talk about consent so much is that we know statistically and anecdotally that sexual harassment/assault and abuse happens to an alarmingly high number of people STILL and that we all need to be very clear on what informed consent looks like. This could be another reason to get in touch with her to make sure everything that happened was consensual.
6. Try and think about your actions more next time so you can make wiser/kinder choices.