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4 Ways to React to a Problem

Giving children and teenagers the tools to solve problems is vital if we want self aware and resilient kids. (Let’s face it, plenty of us adults need these tools too!)

According to DBT*, there are 4 ways to react to a problem:

1. Solve the problem: this could involve getting other people on board to help or be done on one’s own. Maybe you can change/avoid or leave the situation.
2. Feel better about the problem: change the way you are viewing the situation. Regulate your emotions, so the problem itself doesn’t change, but your reaction to it does. (As @gabbybernstein says, “obstacles are detours in the right direction”)
3. Tolerate the problem: if you can’t manage either of the first two, then maybe you can accept and tolerate the situation. This is called radical acceptance-it doesn’t mean you approve of the situation, you just stop fighting reality.
4. Stay miserable: don’t make any changes and possibly feel worse (!)

This might seem obvious but have you actually ever stopped to think about how you react to problems and the choices you have in those moments when problems arise? Have you ever talked through a problem with your teen or older child and used this kind of terminology?

I think by knowing that there are 4 ways to approach a problem you will already start to feel better about it and more in control (of your reactions).

Try thinking about the four options the next time you’re faced with a problem and let me know how it goes!

*Based on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) which is an evidence-based psychotherapy

5:13 pm 11Oct, 2022
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Public Sexual Harassment

Since moving to Italy 9 years ago, I get stared at on the street and in public places, have comments made about my appearance (pretty much daily by the way), have been groped on public transport, almost assaulted in a taxi and flashed at near a beach. If I were to list my sexual harassment experiences of being a girl/woman in England and travelling the world for the 25 years prior to coming here, it would probably fill a novel. None of these experiences had anything to do with what I was wearing.

I feel extremely passionately about educating young people so that they don’t grow up to be perpetrators or bystanders to public sexual harassment or assault, and I understand to my core the anger teenage girls feel when they are being told what they ‘should’ be wearing or how they ‘should’ be acting to keep themselves safe.

At a time where they are finding their own style whilst trying to fit in to their peer group and assert some independence, it can be extremely difficult to be told by a parent that you shouldn’t wear something due to how other people will react to you. At the same time, all the parent is doing is trying to keep their child as protected as possible.

In my conversation with a group of 16/17 year olds recently, I could feel the frustration they felt at having to think about this when dressing and although they didn’t like being told what NOT to wear by their parents, they understood where the parent was coming from.

Add to this the sometimes ‘double standards’ girls can feel about school uniform policies and you can see why our teenage girls can feel overwhelmed and frustrated when they just want to be able to be left alone to walk outside their house in peace!!

Do you comment on what your teenager is wearing?

5:07 pm 11Oct, 2022
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About Circumcision

Top facts about circumcision:
⏺A hood of skin, called the foreskin, covers the head (or glans) of the penis. In circumcision, the foreskin is surgically removed, exposing the end of the penis.
⏺ Circumcision is one of the most common surgical procedures in the world.
⏺It may also be one of the oldest, likely predating recorded human history.
⏺ Male circumcision is compulsory for Jews and is commonly practiced among Muslims.
⏺Most circumcisions are done during the first 10 days (often within the first 48 hours) of a baby’s life.
⏺ When a newborn is circumcised, the procedure takes about 5-10 minutes. Adult circumcision takes about an hour.
⏺circumcision prevalence around the world is ROUGHLY 38%
⏺some studies say it decreases sexual sensitivity/pleasure and other studies say it doesn’t 🤷‍♀️
⏺ Opponents, particularly of routine neonatal circumcision, question its utility and effectiveness in preventing diseases and object to subjecting newborn males, without their consent,to a procedure they consider to have dubious and nonessential benefits, significant risks, and a potentially negative impact on general health and later sexual enjoyment, as well as violating their human rights.

Some reported benefits
Studies show, those who are circumcised have a lower likelihood of:
* getting HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) when they are older
* developing urinary tract infections (UTIs), especially in the first year of life
* getting cancer of the penis, which is rare in those who are both circumcised and uncircumcised. It is not yet clear if the decreased risk is related to circumcision itself or differences in hygiene.
* developing irritation, inflammation, or infection of the penis, because it is easier to keep a circumcised penis clean

Some reported risks
Like any surgical procedure, circumcision has some risks. These are rare (apparently around 3%) but include:
* Bleeding
* infection, which is usually mild and easy to treat 
* more skin or less skin removed than planned
* scar tissue forming

Source: Morris et al. Population Health Metrics (2016)
Morton Frisch 2011

5:02 pm 11Oct, 2022
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